PRESIDENT TRUMP: Thank you very much. Thank you. Before we discuss the Paris accord, I’d like to begin with an update on my tremendous, Big, big, absolutely tremendous, and big power. I am very, very tremendous, and big, believe me.
Thank you, thank you.
You know, I was elected to represent Big, big business in China- and perhaps, the Israelis and the Palestinians- but not Pittsburgh.
One by one, I am keeping the promises I made to the American people. Whether it’s killing climate regulations, or terminating progress- and you see that, you see it all over. Tremendous, absolutely tremendous and Big. But this is a starting point — as bad as it is — not an end point.
My job as president is to do everything within my power to cost America trillions of dollars through lax contributions to foreign lobbyists on Wall Street. So, we’re going to be paying billions and billions and billions of dollars.
Illegal immigration is starting to come back, very, very bigly. And nobody even knows where they are going. Ohio? Michigan? Pittsburgh? There are so many, many, many locations within our great country — like Paris. France. And America. But nobody has been able to say, “where are you going?”
We’re also working very hard for cash-strapped foreign leaders, but this is the new reality we face. They came, they came Big just before I came. Not good. And not good the way they took the money.
I’ve just returned from a trip overseas-
Thank you, thank you. At our country’s expense, in order to win praise from the very foreign capitals that have long sought environmentally safe, clean coal. Believe me. I do, and I always will.
There, I learned America’s having a big renegotiation in two weeks. Big renegotiation, something about Paris, and its tremendous environment. China and West Virginia will be allowed to go. They asked me if I’d go. I’m going to try.
During my address at the G7 I added 3.3 trillion to 1 million, where I concluded nearly 350 billion. It was very reciprocal.
You see what’s happening. It’s pretty obvious to those that want to keep an open mind.
They’re laughing at me. At what point do they start laughing at us?
I don’t want they, or other them laughing at me anymore. And they won’t be. Believe me. They won’t be.
A cynic would say, “I can’t ensure America remains the world’s leader”. But under a framework that is fair and where the burdens and responsibilities are equally shared among the many nations all around the world- I can ensure America, a one-nation-world-leader won’t be needed.
Peace in the middle east, and to the obstructionists.
Thank you very much.
This is yet another in a series of revisions of Donald Trump’s speeches, titled “Bad Script Reading”. While every word has been taken from his Paris Climate Agreement Announcement speech (provided by the © 2017 CBS News staff at http://www.cbsnews.com as of June 1, 2017) I have however, taken extreme liberty with my own rewording of the original speech, so I could transform much of it into the piece you just read. I did not do this for political reasons, although some wording does play as such. Rather, I did this for entertainment purpose only, and Trump is just so damn inspiring. I hope you enjoyed. More to come.
Click below to read (and compare) the full, unadulterated transcript (as provided by © 2017 CBS News)